Sometimes it's easier to live in denial. That's basically been my life lately. Really, I prefer not to even think about the reality of my situation. In fact, have you ever seen the signs that say, "Teenagers, go get a job, get married, buy a house, a car, and have kids now, while you still know everything!" I sometimes feel like I took that advice. Up until recently, I didn't realize how far off I really am from being totally on top if it all.
Living in another world outside of what's real can really take it's tole on a person. It has for me. When we moved in with my parents last summer, I moved home. There was a big significance to that in my life at the time, because after feeling constantly judged and held to an unrealistic standard [being in ministry] I felt like I had lost almost all of myself. Over the last year I have definitely reconnected with the little girl that left this house 6 years ago to go play house. Some of the old me is good. Most of it is dysfunctional. Getting back to square one was an important step, nonetheless.
It's in the acceptance of where I am, where I come from and what I honestly want for my future that I find peace. After a long season of just feeling knocked down, out of breath and out of strength to fight, something occurred to me. At the end of June, I went to Colorado Springs with my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law and attended a Beth Moore Live event. During the worship time I looked around the stadium and saw women all around praising God with smiles on their faces. It was then I realized: Being a Christian is a happy thing!
It's not all about weeping at the feet of Christ. It's also dancing before Him. It's laughter. It's friendship. It's celebrating because He is alive! He is alive in us.
Choosing to accept my weaknesses, my failures, my mistakes and embracing grace with both hands is my happy place. I don't have to keep trying to be perfect. I don't even have to appear perfect to the people behind me at Church.
So chin up friends. Church is not about keeping up with the much more "spiritual" Jones's. Jesus is about living a better life, so others will see that and desire the same for themselves.
From one big happy mess to another-
Lindsay
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Perspectives
At the moment I've got the TV on for the sake of drowning out the little one crying. He has a hard time being comforted by anyone but me, so we're trying to help him adjust. I feel like barging in and saving the day. It breaks my heart to hear him cry when I know I could stop it, but it's ok. He's ok. He's healthy, safe and loved.
Has anyone heard the story of Jaycee Duggard?
Kidnapped, held against her will for over 18 years, mistreated, used, abused. She gave birth to 2 children (as a result of the abuse) in a backyard. The first at age 14. Breastfed for a period of 6 years total. All the while her abuser was on parole. REALLY!? This story made my stomach turn, my heart ache and my blood boil. But after watching the way she conducted herself during a recent interview, her reflections on what she went threw, I was astonished at her poise. She was completely positive about her future, the love she has for her kids, and actually comforted her mother about regrets she had from that day.
We tend to stress about the little glitches in our day. The little things. I know I, as a SAHM, tend to get into a rut sometimes because I feel lonely or stuck in the same day-to-day thing. But when I think of this story, all I can think is, "if she can have joy and purpose after all that, I have no excuse to complain."
When we put into perspective that HEY! Our kids have food, clothes, a warm bed and people that love them, we can be thankful and joyful even in what feels like chaos. We have all we need and more. I know it's a topic we all talk about from time to time, but I just really felt the need to say it again. Life is good! Let the little things go. And for goodness sake! tell the people you love how much you love them!
Our families are usually the first people we snap at when we're feeling short tempered, but let's try and remember that these are the ones that know us best and need us the most. Show them you love them. My family makes me pretty crazy. Lately every time I feel my mind going into grumble mode, I tell myself, "do unto others...." It keeps me from feeling annoyed by every little thing. Maybe that's because it reminds me of my own humanity. Maybe it's because I realize I want to treat them better. I know God gave us this commandment because he knew it would benefit everyone involved.
As I would have them do to me-
Lindsay
P.S. Allen got Asher to sleep (Daddy FTW!!)
Has anyone heard the story of Jaycee Duggard?
Kidnapped, held against her will for over 18 years, mistreated, used, abused. She gave birth to 2 children (as a result of the abuse) in a backyard. The first at age 14. Breastfed for a period of 6 years total. All the while her abuser was on parole. REALLY!? This story made my stomach turn, my heart ache and my blood boil. But after watching the way she conducted herself during a recent interview, her reflections on what she went threw, I was astonished at her poise. She was completely positive about her future, the love she has for her kids, and actually comforted her mother about regrets she had from that day.
We tend to stress about the little glitches in our day. The little things. I know I, as a SAHM, tend to get into a rut sometimes because I feel lonely or stuck in the same day-to-day thing. But when I think of this story, all I can think is, "if she can have joy and purpose after all that, I have no excuse to complain."
When we put into perspective that HEY! Our kids have food, clothes, a warm bed and people that love them, we can be thankful and joyful even in what feels like chaos. We have all we need and more. I know it's a topic we all talk about from time to time, but I just really felt the need to say it again. Life is good! Let the little things go. And for goodness sake! tell the people you love how much you love them!
Our families are usually the first people we snap at when we're feeling short tempered, but let's try and remember that these are the ones that know us best and need us the most. Show them you love them. My family makes me pretty crazy. Lately every time I feel my mind going into grumble mode, I tell myself, "do unto others...." It keeps me from feeling annoyed by every little thing. Maybe that's because it reminds me of my own humanity. Maybe it's because I realize I want to treat them better. I know God gave us this commandment because he knew it would benefit everyone involved.
As I would have them do to me-
Lindsay
P.S. Allen got Asher to sleep (Daddy FTW!!)
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Twenty-Four
It's a strange thing to grow up. One day I'm graduating High School, then, 7 years and 2 kids later I realize I'm not a teenager anymore.
It's quite a relief if you ask me. Most people ask you on your birthday, "how does it feel?" and this year I actually had an answer.
"It feels great!"
I feel like I am finally comfortable in my own skin. No more awkwardness. No more comparing myself to others or feeling inadequate in some way. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I don't feel like I have to always say the right thing to spare someone's feelings. I'm not setting out to be hurtful, but I am comfortable with the truth.
Some might think "why did you get married before you knew who you wanted to be, or felt like yourself?" and my answer to that would be that I would never have found myself without my Husband. He is as much a part of me as anything else in the world. I am so thankful I found him.
As I feel a season of change is upon us all, I am filled with excitement and caution. Excitement because God always has a way of blowing my mind! Caution to not jump head first into anything without first consulting the part of me that knows what's right.
I'm ok knowing I'm not done making mistakes, but I know now I can handle them. I am what I was always meant to be. A wife. A mother. A woman. I can't wait to see what else goes on that list.
So in love with life.
Lindsay
It's quite a relief if you ask me. Most people ask you on your birthday, "how does it feel?" and this year I actually had an answer.
"It feels great!"
I feel like I am finally comfortable in my own skin. No more awkwardness. No more comparing myself to others or feeling inadequate in some way. I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. I don't feel like I have to always say the right thing to spare someone's feelings. I'm not setting out to be hurtful, but I am comfortable with the truth.
Some might think "why did you get married before you knew who you wanted to be, or felt like yourself?" and my answer to that would be that I would never have found myself without my Husband. He is as much a part of me as anything else in the world. I am so thankful I found him.
As I feel a season of change is upon us all, I am filled with excitement and caution. Excitement because God always has a way of blowing my mind! Caution to not jump head first into anything without first consulting the part of me that knows what's right.
I'm ok knowing I'm not done making mistakes, but I know now I can handle them. I am what I was always meant to be. A wife. A mother. A woman. I can't wait to see what else goes on that list.
So in love with life.
Lindsay
Friday, June 1, 2012
Mid-Year Resolution
Anybody cringe at that title?
Today is June 1st!! It's always been easy for me to break my year into 2 parts: First half birthday, second half Christmas. (My primary love language is GIFTS if that explains anything.) So when my birthday comes around, it's always a good time for me to think about the year ahead. Where do I stand on the things I set out to accomplish on that first midnight in January?
What about my health? Everyone puts their health on their wish list for the coming year. Have the holiday weekends and birthday/ graduation parties thrown you for a loop? Yes.
All is not lost, though. We have time to catch it, to readjust. To make an actual effort. Think of this as your mid-term grade for the year.
Because it's time for a change. Everywhere I look, I see change happening. People's lives are changing, people's outlooks are changing and just the overall feeling day-to-day is changing. So let's all hop on board.
If you're the one with all the changes happening to you, embrace it! I mean, really, what choice is there?
And if you're thinking that not much has changed in your life lately, well.. maybe you need a change in perspective. Mine lately has been love. Thinking about other people and what they're going through and trying to love them despite their choices. Lord knows I'm glad He does that for me.
Let's all make a point to actually meet our goals. Not lose sight. Run the race and feel what it is to succeed at something personal.
Because next January, I'd like to start a new journey.
Lindsay
Today is June 1st!! It's always been easy for me to break my year into 2 parts: First half birthday, second half Christmas. (My primary love language is GIFTS if that explains anything.) So when my birthday comes around, it's always a good time for me to think about the year ahead. Where do I stand on the things I set out to accomplish on that first midnight in January?
What about my health? Everyone puts their health on their wish list for the coming year. Have the holiday weekends and birthday/ graduation parties thrown you for a loop? Yes.
All is not lost, though. We have time to catch it, to readjust. To make an actual effort. Think of this as your mid-term grade for the year.
Because it's time for a change. Everywhere I look, I see change happening. People's lives are changing, people's outlooks are changing and just the overall feeling day-to-day is changing. So let's all hop on board.
If you're the one with all the changes happening to you, embrace it! I mean, really, what choice is there?
And if you're thinking that not much has changed in your life lately, well.. maybe you need a change in perspective. Mine lately has been love. Thinking about other people and what they're going through and trying to love them despite their choices. Lord knows I'm glad He does that for me.
Let's all make a point to actually meet our goals. Not lose sight. Run the race and feel what it is to succeed at something personal.
Because next January, I'd like to start a new journey.
Lindsay
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
If I have not love
I think about the person that I am and I usually think I'm not an overly confident woman. I have insecurities. The little things throw me. I take things too personally. But sometimes I don't come off that way. I hide behind a lot of talk and it's easy to take me the wrong way- meaning: sometimes I come off as thinking too highly of myself or being just a little bit better than you.
That's a problem.
If what I am meant to do (which we all are) is share Jesus with the world, I need to be evidently loving. So that's my latest hill. Love more. Especially here in my little blog. I want you all to know that this is a no judgement zone. If I were to list my failures and mistakes and shortcomings.. well.. this list would be long and shameful.
I get it. Life happens. We sometimes jump into things heart first and then think about it later. Or, if you're anything like me, you decide that rules and logic don't apply to you and expect to be the exception. I'm not about perfection, because if that were possible God wouldn't have made the straight a narrow with lots of grace along the path. I'm about growth. I'm about relationship.
Just as I was pondering the fact that maybe I come off a little harsh sometimes, the passage I know all too well popped into my life-
That's a problem.
If what I am meant to do (which we all are) is share Jesus with the world, I need to be evidently loving. So that's my latest hill. Love more. Especially here in my little blog. I want you all to know that this is a no judgement zone. If I were to list my failures and mistakes and shortcomings.. well.. this list would be long and shameful.
I get it. Life happens. We sometimes jump into things heart first and then think about it later. Or, if you're anything like me, you decide that rules and logic don't apply to you and expect to be the exception. I'm not about perfection, because if that were possible God wouldn't have made the straight a narrow with lots of grace along the path. I'm about growth. I'm about relationship.
Just as I was pondering the fact that maybe I come off a little harsh sometimes, the passage I know all too well popped into my life-
If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
I Corinthians 13:1-3
That hit it right on the nail for me. Love. Love. LOVE!
Slipping off my soapbox (headfirst) now-
Lindsay
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The In Between
From the time Allen leaves the house to the time he gets home, I run the show around here. Every diaper, every meal, every tear, every correction- they're my responsibility.
I love that I get to be at home with my boys. It's what makes sense for us, and I feel really blessed to do it. But sometimes I do feel a little less than appreciated. Like when my family comes home and says "this house looks the same as it did when I left." Not realizing that I had to work on keeping it that way. They didn't see the pile of toys Ira dumped out that I helped him clean up, or the crumbs he left all over the table that I had to wipe off. The loads of laundry that have been washed, dried, folded and put away. They sometimes don't see what goes on in between.
It's not a complaint. I understand that nobody can read minds or know what happened when they weren't there. My point today is what we mamas do in that time. Do we shrug it off and think "he'll never know the difference," or take our sweet time getting around to things because no body's watching? Or do we rise to the occasion to excel in our daily lives, knowing that it's important work and God can still develop our character at home, doing housework and caring for children?
The in between is important. Listen to what God said to Samuel in his search for Saul's replacement, "...Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." I Samuel 16:7b
1 Samuel 16:7
These are the teaching moments God has set in place for us. I know He's got big plans for every one of us here- reaching the World for Christ is no easy feat. So let's make it count. Even if we don't get the recognition, God sees it all. The servant hood, the perseverance, the giving of yourself joyfully. It all counts for something. When we change the way we look at it, and forgive our families for their humanity, we will start having better days and truly enjoying what we do.
Because today is what separates my past from my future-
Lindsay
I love that I get to be at home with my boys. It's what makes sense for us, and I feel really blessed to do it. But sometimes I do feel a little less than appreciated. Like when my family comes home and says "this house looks the same as it did when I left." Not realizing that I had to work on keeping it that way. They didn't see the pile of toys Ira dumped out that I helped him clean up, or the crumbs he left all over the table that I had to wipe off. The loads of laundry that have been washed, dried, folded and put away. They sometimes don't see what goes on in between.
It's not a complaint. I understand that nobody can read minds or know what happened when they weren't there. My point today is what we mamas do in that time. Do we shrug it off and think "he'll never know the difference," or take our sweet time getting around to things because no body's watching? Or do we rise to the occasion to excel in our daily lives, knowing that it's important work and God can still develop our character at home, doing housework and caring for children?
The in between is important. Listen to what God said to Samuel in his search for Saul's replacement, "...Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." I Samuel 16:7b
1 Samuel 16:7
These are the teaching moments God has set in place for us. I know He's got big plans for every one of us here- reaching the World for Christ is no easy feat. So let's make it count. Even if we don't get the recognition, God sees it all. The servant hood, the perseverance, the giving of yourself joyfully. It all counts for something. When we change the way we look at it, and forgive our families for their humanity, we will start having better days and truly enjoying what we do.
Because today is what separates my past from my future-
Lindsay
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
5 Ways to Cut Calories
I have really been working on my health. My biggest vice is sugar. Recognizing that, I'm trying to work a lot of it our of my daily diet. Here are a few things I have applied (at least most of the time) to help keep my calorie intake within a reasonable range.
1. Sit at the Table. Have I already gone on about this? Probably. The point is, eating while standing around, walking through the kitchen or watching TV means your not seeing how much you're actually eating. It also convinces you to eat more things like chips and cookies because they're easy and give you a quick fix. Bad plan. Those carbs leave you longing for more. Couple that with inactivity and you can say goodbye to your skinny jeans.
2. Drink more water. When we go out to eat, I usually get a soda. And then the server refills it twice while I'm not paying attention and 500 calories later... my day is sabotaged. Replace it with water with lemon. Easy and cheap!
3. Toughen up your drinks. Instead of a Venti Caramel Frappuccino, go for and Iced coffee with skim milk. I'm still working toward eliminating the sweeteners all together. Alcohol is another place you can spare the sugars, beer and mixed drinks are usually loaded with calories. Check out calorie king to see how many calories are in your drink (or anything else for that matter.)
4. No More Seconds. If you're really not full, ok, get some more. If you don't you'll be feeling snacky all day. But when you've eaten a good portion, stop. your body will never learn to feel satisfied on less unless you cut your portions down even when it's hard.
5. Exercise. Stop making excuses. I'm at home all day with 2 little guys and I have come to accept that getting out for a walk or a run everyday just isn't going to happen. So I play Hide-and-go-Tag with Ira. (It's our own game, the rules are still a little fuzzy..) It get's me moving. I also try to get some yoga or a workout in at home when the boys are calm. I love this site for yoga videos! She posts new ones every week.
So that's that. Hopefully we can all make some adjustments and soon be a little healthier!
Losing it-
Lindsay
1. Sit at the Table. Have I already gone on about this? Probably. The point is, eating while standing around, walking through the kitchen or watching TV means your not seeing how much you're actually eating. It also convinces you to eat more things like chips and cookies because they're easy and give you a quick fix. Bad plan. Those carbs leave you longing for more. Couple that with inactivity and you can say goodbye to your skinny jeans.
2. Drink more water. When we go out to eat, I usually get a soda. And then the server refills it twice while I'm not paying attention and 500 calories later... my day is sabotaged. Replace it with water with lemon. Easy and cheap!
3. Toughen up your drinks. Instead of a Venti Caramel Frappuccino, go for and Iced coffee with skim milk. I'm still working toward eliminating the sweeteners all together. Alcohol is another place you can spare the sugars, beer and mixed drinks are usually loaded with calories. Check out calorie king to see how many calories are in your drink (or anything else for that matter.)
4. No More Seconds. If you're really not full, ok, get some more. If you don't you'll be feeling snacky all day. But when you've eaten a good portion, stop. your body will never learn to feel satisfied on less unless you cut your portions down even when it's hard.
5. Exercise. Stop making excuses. I'm at home all day with 2 little guys and I have come to accept that getting out for a walk or a run everyday just isn't going to happen. So I play Hide-and-go-Tag with Ira. (It's our own game, the rules are still a little fuzzy..) It get's me moving. I also try to get some yoga or a workout in at home when the boys are calm. I love this site for yoga videos! She posts new ones every week.
So that's that. Hopefully we can all make some adjustments and soon be a little healthier!
Losing it-
Lindsay
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