Sometimes it's easier to live in denial. That's basically been my life lately. Really, I prefer not to even think about the reality of my situation. In fact, have you ever seen the signs that say, "Teenagers, go get a job, get married, buy a house, a car, and have kids now, while you still know everything!" I sometimes feel like I took that advice. Up until recently, I didn't realize how far off I really am from being totally on top if it all.
Living in another world outside of what's real can really take it's tole on a person. It has for me. When we moved in with my parents last summer, I moved home. There was a big significance to that in my life at the time, because after feeling constantly judged and held to an unrealistic standard [being in ministry] I felt like I had lost almost all of myself. Over the last year I have definitely reconnected with the little girl that left this house 6 years ago to go play house. Some of the old me is good. Most of it is dysfunctional. Getting back to square one was an important step, nonetheless.
It's in the acceptance of where I am, where I come from and what I honestly want for my future that I find peace. After a long season of just feeling knocked down, out of breath and out of strength to fight, something occurred to me. At the end of June, I went to Colorado Springs with my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law and attended a Beth Moore Live event. During the worship time I looked around the stadium and saw women all around praising God with smiles on their faces. It was then I realized: Being a Christian is a happy thing!
It's not all about weeping at the feet of Christ. It's also dancing before Him. It's laughter. It's friendship. It's celebrating because He is alive! He is alive in us.
Choosing to accept my weaknesses, my failures, my mistakes and embracing grace with both hands is my happy place. I don't have to keep trying to be perfect. I don't even have to appear perfect to the people behind me at Church.
So chin up friends. Church is not about keeping up with the much more "spiritual" Jones's. Jesus is about living a better life, so others will see that and desire the same for themselves.
From one big happy mess to another-
Lindsay
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