Losing Control

Approaching the end of a pregnancy is not always an easy time. It's when labor and delivery really become reality, and that leaves room for a lot of fear and doubt. It's also a time when you feel physically and emotionally out of whack! It seems like as soon as you adjust to another change in your body, something else changes. It's hot. I'm exhausted. I'm not complaining, I love pregnancy and I am already so absolutely in love with this baby. It's just a venerable time for me. I think every woman feels this way near the end.
What I guess is the hardest part for me is knowing what is emotion and perception vs. what is reality. Still, I know a few things for certain.

1. Having this VBAC is extremely important to me. It's a milestone, I guess. I think somewhere deep down I feel like it might even give me some validation.
2. I believe that my body was made to birth.
3. I want to feel supported, because I know I may have moments of weakness.

I don't really feel like I'm getting that support right now from my care providers. This has sent me on a chase to seek out different care. It's a little late in the game, but I feel like it's worth fighting for. And maybe I'll end up staying with what I have now and voicing my opinions a little louder and demanding what I want and refusing what I don't. I just don't know. But what I think God is telling me is to stop worrying, stop trying to be in control because He's got this. He gave me this scripture last night, in the midst of my frustration. The version I initially read "do not put your trust in powerful people.." I really needed that.

I will praise the LORD all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes,
in human beings, who cannot save.
When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.
Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD their God.

He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them—
he remains faithful forever.