I'm back!
I am so glad that the most exhausting part of pregnancy is over! Well, at least for a while. I'm actually really thankful for the last season in my life. I've learned a lot about myself, a lot more about God's grace and made some life-changing decisions along the way.
Today I just want to take a moment to celebrate God's goodness!
Since before Ira was born, I have been a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom) and it's a lot harder than I ever thought. It wasn't until I felt somewhat isolated from the world that I realized how important fellowship and relationships are. I began to battle depression. I believe that most of the time depression is brought on by circumstances and mindsets, not so much a "chemical" thing that doctors like to write prescriptions for. I began to fill up my days with lots of entertainment and ways to feel community, like social networking and spending a lot of time on the phone. And while my intention was to keep myself from going crazy, it began to mask the fact that I was simply unfulfilled. I wasn't really enjoying my son. I wasn't really enjoying anything.
Let's keep in mind we've been living far away from my family, all of our close friends had recently moved away and we left a church we had been a part of since before we got married. All of these things were good for us, but when combined it really took a toll on me and I felt lonely.
Then last weekend came around. I had signed up to attend a ladies retreat at our church (that we haven't gotten very involved in). I almost talked myself out of going because I didn't know anyone. My experience with church growing up was pretty much like high school.. only a little worse. But I forced myself to go. And I met God there. Really. I opened up about the way I've been feeling, the struggles I've had, even the hurts I've had with God for allowing things to happen in my life. I asked Him to restore my Joy.
It wasn't until then that I realized, Joy is not an emotion. Happiness and sadness are emotions, but a spirit of Joy is constant. It dictates how we handle the highs and the lows. It enables us to feel peace when circumstances are not perfect. And when it's gone we become emotionally disabled. We lose the ability to empathize with others, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Lack of joy can rapidly become a downward spiral into selfish behaviour.
If you can identify with any of this, I urge you to ask God to heal the broken pieces of your heart. I've never felt so much freedom and peace as I have the last week. You don't need an altar or a pastor to meet God. He's been there with you in the darkest places, and He really does want you to experience an abundance of Joy.
This change marks a new season on my life. We will be moving soon, back to my hometown (Actually back home altogether). I wouldn't want to begin this new journey any other way.
Here's a simply scripture you can pray:
"Bring Joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you." Psalm 86:4
Starting Anew-
Lindsay
